psyducker:

*standing at the wedding alter*

spouse: i do

me: same

celebritity:

gender: ugly

flamingegg:

pros to dating me:

  • i’ll actually respond to ur text
  • u can literally kiss me whenever u want (esp random neck kisses like yes please)
  • we can hold hands
  • butt touches
  • cuddles? ? ? yes good
  • i’ll play with your hair
  • u don’t have to worry about me liking other people bc i’m annoyed by almost everyone
  • smooches

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(Source: radgoku)

apatheticghost:

what i learned from school

  1. im a fucking piece of shit
  2. everybody else is also a fucking piece of shit
  3. mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

gabite:

the deeper your voice is the deeper you can go in me

bestquius:

bestquius:

There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.

I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele

(Source: meidosuji)

stabs:

My dad just saw my report card and started yelling at me because there was an F on it, but it actually was F for female as in gender

rrrrosa:

those songs that start in one earbud and flow into the next

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